Let the elders that rule well be counted worthy of double honour, especially they who labour in the word and doctrine, says 1 Timothy 5:17. One of the greatest things you can do for any ministry that you serve in is to honor your leader: your pastor’s wife. I often wonder if our ministries would be more effective if we would simply put our priorities in the correct order. Honoring our elders should be at the top of the list rather than being an afterthought. Here are 5 ways to honor your pastor’s wife:

1. Live honorably. The best way you can honor your pastor’s wife is to live a life that’s honoring to the church she is serving at. There’s no greater stress, pain, or confusion that a pastor’s wife endures than that of a woman under her leadership choosing to not live biblically. Pastor’s wives tend to put their whole lives into serving the church: don’t dishonor her by doing things, saying things, or living things that you know that you should not be doing, saying, or living. When you choose to live dishonorably while sitting under her leadership, you’re telling your pastor’s wife that the work she does no longer matters and that she is wasting her time and effort in serving. Hebrews 13:17 tells us, “Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.” Don’t cause grief to your pastor’s wife with wrong living!
2. Love her. Did you know that being a pastor’s wife is lonely? I mean it can be really, really lonely. Most pastor’s wives have no other woman that they can trust or lean on. Pastor’s wives get sad, they endure hard things, and they need friends they can trust, too. Love your pastor’s wife by listening to her, write her a note every now and then just saying thank you for the work she does, tell her that her kids are wonderful even if they’re rambunctious, hug your pastor’s wife when she seems down or upset. Go out on a limb and actually buy her a birthday present. I know it’s a little scary trying to become friends with your pastor’s wife sometimes: it’s easy to assume she’ll judge you for (insert whatever it is here). But remember, she’s worthy of double honor. That means she’s worth double risk on your part to love.
3. Serve her. Don’t make your pastor’s wife beg you to serve at the church. Every Christian should be serving in some capacity. God didn’t call us to be attendees: He called us to be servants. I know this is hard to believe, but your pastor’s wife [can’t] do it all. She simply cannot be in the nursery, in the Sunday school class, in the counseling room, at the piano, AND making sure that bathroom is still clean in between services. She can’t do it all no matter how hard she tries. Honor your pastor’s wife by volunteering. If you’re willing to give the church 10% of your income as your tithe of money, why wouldn’t you be willing to honor your pastor’s wife by tithing 10% of your time to God’s service in the church as well?
4. Seek her advice. Proverbs 12:15 tells us, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” There you are, stuck in the middle of a big decision and you just can’t figure out what God’s will for you should be. So you listen to the Bible and seek counsel. You take your pastor’s wife’s energy, time, and prayers and listen to what she says. Yes, your pastor’s wife will not always know the will of God for you. But typically, if you’re not sure which way to go and you follow the advice of your spiritual leadership, God will honor the decision. When she takes the time to advise you, exhort you, or question your motives, take what she says into serious consideration. Don’t just ignore what she’s saying because you don’t like what you’re hearing. God has placed her in your life as a leader for a reason: don’t waste her sound, biblical advice.
5. Don’t complain OR encourage complainers. Philippians 2:14-15 tells us, “Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world; Holding forth the word of life; that I may rejoice in the day of Christ, that I have not run in vain, neither laboured in vain.” Paul tells the church at Philippi that through their murmurings and disputings (complaints and arguments), his work can be made pointless. To honor your pastor’s wife, you must be willing to avoid being offended. In a world full of people being offended over the littlest things, we must choose to be different: we’re the light. If we act like the light, we won’t let complaining dim that light (making us more like the world). Complaining only tears down a church and never, ever builds it up. To honor your pastor’s wife’s work, you must never complain and you must never listen to someone else complaining. Women are brought down easily just by choosing to give ear to someone else’s boohoo parade.

Go forth and honor your pastor’s wife in your ministries!

Love, Meghan