There’s a danger when you’re in the ministry of losing your kids in the process. I don’t mean that you necessarily lose your kids as in LOSE them: more you loose their hearts from the gospel by your example in the home and in the ministry. This doesn’t just apply to pastors’ kids: it could be a Sunday school teacher’s child, it could be a deacon’s child, it could be the door greeter’s child. Anyone who puts forth effort in a church and who also has a child. The last statistic I remember hearing in a sermon was that 9 out of 10 kids who graduate high school will never darken the doors of a church again. With those kinds of number, those in ministry MUST be willing to be a strong example of faith to their kids. Here’s 3 ways to do that:

1. Remember to make your priorities match your goal. I cannot fully describe the face of a parent who realizes that their child has chosen to not remain faithful to Christ. The pain… the sorrow… the burdens that so clearly defeat them because of their child’s choices are simply too hard to describe fully. The number one factor I have seen in my 20 years working with youth that causes kids to leave the faith of their childhood is this: their parent’s priorities do not match the voiced goal they say they have for their children. These leaders at home and in church say they want their child to care deeply about the faith, to remain pure and true to the faith, but then these same parents set their priorities with their time and emotions on things not belonging to the faith. Things like basketball practice, vacations every weekend, homework, housecleaning, sports games on television, shopping, and having “sick” days more than “well” days tend to take over time that could and should have been spent at church services, on service projects, reading the Bible and praying as a family. Galatians 6:7-8 tells us, “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.” Have no doubt: if you’re participating in any ministry in your church, your kids are most certainly watching to see what excuses you’ll give for not doing with your actions what you’re telling them to do with your mouth. You can say that Christ and his church should be your first priority, but if you’re allowing anything to take the place of the church in your time and heart, then they’re going to follow the example you’re presenting exactly. Be absolutely clear that your voiced priorities are matching your actions. Because if you sow faith, you’ll reap their faith; if you sow to the flesh, they’ll reap fleshly.
2. Remember that God will hold you accountable for your kids’ choices. Hebrews 13:17 is a statement to the younger generation, “Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.” But in this same command to the younger generation, their elders are reminded that we are indeed held accountable for the choices of those we lead. I think of the Israelites who repeatedly would have a good leader come on the scene, but then the leader would die and Israel would then choose to no longer do good in the sight of the Lord. The knowledge of the Lord was not passed on by father to son or mother to daughter and their lack of accountability brought heartache, slavery, and evil to the following generation. Christianity only works if we teach our kids to do what they’re supposed to do (according to the Bible). If you know you’re going to be held accountable for a project at your job, what do you do? Most would work hard to complete the task that they are assigned. They know they’ll be punished if they don’t. How much more important is the soul of your child than your paycheck?
3. Remember to love your kids. Any truth not told in a loving tone will never really reach the heart of a child. Love always, always, always, trumps hatred, but hatred is not the only thing that could harm a child: without love, you encourage them to apathy, bitterness, depression, anger, and murmuring. The Bible tells us these truths about the love in more than one way. Ephesians 6:4 tells us, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Without love, you could turn your child to bitterness and anger. An angry child grows into a rebellious adult who’ll leave the church in a heartbeat the moment they are able. Why would you rage against a child in private and then pretend to show love publicly? All you teach them is that the stage of the church does not preach truth. You make the gospel a lie. Jesus tells us in John 13:34, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” I’ve seen parents play favorites, I’ve seen parents screaming at or embarrassing their children publicly, I’ve seen parents who have held on so tight to the reins of every facet of their child’s life that the child feels (rightfully) suffocated, I’ve seen parents who are so loose with the rules for their children that their child never learns right from wrong: all of these lead to a bitter or angry child. The exact opposite of faith and love. You cannot show love in your ministry and then refuse to show love at home. It’ll destroy your kids. Your words and your tone carry a great power: love your child and you will produce a lover, complain to or about your child and you will produce a complainer, hate your child or favor another child over your child and you will produce a hater, break your child with degradation and cruel words and you will have a broken child. You MUST love, publicly and privately, your child to have any chance of them growing into a true Christian in their adulthood.

God called you on purpose to be your child’s parent, just as He has called you on purpose to your ministry. Do not dare to be so hypocritical that you will excel in your ministry and not excel in your parenthood. Your ministry will be all the greater if you keep your first and most important ministry, that of your home, in good standing in God’s eyes. Your kids are not going to be perfect and there will be days where they will act unlovable: it’s your job to be strong for them and continue to be the example they need you to be. Be real. Be real for your kids: their life depends on it. Proverbs 24: 10-12 tells us, “If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small. If thou forbear to deliver them that are drawn unto death, and those that are ready to be slain; If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not he that pondereth the heart consider it? and he that keepeth thy soul, doth not he know it? and shall not he render to everyman according to his works?” We have the power to draw our children away from death: why wouldn’t we want to be the example that leads them to a happy, fulfilled life lived for Christ?

Love, Meghan