Every now and then, I like to say something to my husband when I’m getting stressed out: the bitter makes it better. Now, we both know without any doubt that bitter never makes any situation better, but it makes me feel better at the time to acknowledge my temptation to be bitter against whatever’s happening at the time. The trouble is that most girls and women do believe that bitterness makes them feel better. They feel that being offended makes them right. They feel that holding onto a grudge will make them a better, stronger person. And I’m here to tell you, from experience after experience, that those women are wrong.

Bitterness, I’ve read, is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. You hold onto one wrongdoing (could be an intended offense, could be an unintended offense) and you do so thinking that it will change that person who offended you. Oh, they’ll be sorry that they missed out on MY friendship. They’ll regret treating ME that way. Who do they think they are saying that to ME? But self-centered thought after self-centered thought, we find that instead of harming that other person we’re holding a grudge against, we’re instead harming ourselves. We’re drinking the poison of our own bitter thoughts.

It’s time to let go. It’s time to live free from the burden of that bitterness. It’s hard to keep holding onto that grudge: it takes so much work to keep up that kind of anger for so long because it’s beyond destructive. It’s easy to let the grudge go. You just have to make the choice to care more about what God thinks of you and the health of your spirit and soul than you care about holding on to feeling offended. Here’s 3 steps to letting the grudge go:

1. Repent. The first step in solving every problem is to realize that there is a problem. In Acts 8:22-23, we find Peter pleading to a man named Simon, “Repent therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God, if perhaps the thought of thine heart may be forgiven thee. For I perceive that thou art in the gall of bitterness, and in the bond of iniquity.” Simon clearly saw no problem, but Peter could see Simon’s issue right away. We must come to the decision that there is a problem and we’re ready to change. You’ll notice I didn’t say that it starts with the offending person or act: change always begins with your personal choice. Quite often that other person will not change their behavior or words.
2. Forgive. Ephesians 4:29-32 states, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” After you’ve make the choice to leave behind bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil speaking, you find that you have to forgive the offending person. Sometimes, this involves going to that person and saying the words “I forgive you.” Sometimes, this involves forgiving without speaking to the person: it’s not always possible (or wise) to see or write to the person you’re grudging against. Sometimes, you’ll find that you need to ask God to forgive you before you go to the person who offended you. After all, every grudge held is held not only against the offender, but also against the God who created that person. It’s important to remember that forgiveness is not about the offender. It’s about the effect you allow the offense to have on you. Forgiveness is rarely deserved and we know how very unfair that can be. We forgive not because the person we’re forgiving deserves it, but rather because we have a God who has merited our willingness to forgive the unforgivable.
3. Love. Our natural response to offense is to bristle, but God thinks that we should respond to wrong with right. “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” says Matthew 5:44. Your enemy will act like an enemy: love them. Your curser will act like a curser: bless them. Your hater will act like a hater: do good to them. Your user will act like a despiteful user: pray for them. When we choose to act in love when others act in hate, we become a display of the most important truth and act of love of all: the gospel.

So, how have you been doing lately? If I ask you who you’re bitter against, does a name or a face come to mind immediately? Don’t you think it’s time to put down that poison and start living free?

Love, Meghan