Almost my whole life, my dad and I haven’t had much in common. He was gregarious, I was shy; he loved to go out, I preferred to stay home; he was angry at God, I wanted to serve in full time ministry. I was bitter at him for seemingly “not loving me for who I was” when I was a younger teen. It really strained our relationship as I grew up into a 20-something. My husband was very instrumental in restoring much of my relationship with my dad: my husband gave us some common ground that we could connect on.

A few months ago when I was researching for a series of lessons I would be teaching, I decided to confront my father about some of the things he had said and done in more recent years that had hurt me. He came out to visit my son and I told him things I had thought for a long time, but had never been willing to say: I wanted to have a closer relationship with him after so many years. He responded and I felt something with my dad I had never had before: peace. A couple of weeks ago, he called me out of the blue (we rarely call each other — it’s normally texts). After a couple minutes of small talk, I asked him why he called and he told me “Just because I wanted to.” He ended the conversation with “I love you” and I got to say “I love you” back. I know that may not seem significant, but I can count on my hands the number of times I remember Dad saying those words. He wasn’t mushy/verbal about his love very often.

Last week, I received a phone call that my dad had passed away. He had so many health issues: I knew they might catch up to him eventually. I’m heartbroken, but thankful that: 1) we knew we loved each other and were able to say so recently and 2) I forgave him before it was too late for apologies, peace, or statements of love.

James 4:14 tells us, “Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.” We don’t know what’s coming: none of us knows that tomorrow, we’ll wake up, read our Bible, take a shower, style our hair curly because we’re late, get a little frustrated at a phone call we receive as we’re walking up to our desk at work, sit down, open our e-mail, and then receive a call that our father has died. We don’t know.

And because we don’t know, I urge you: don’t hold onto anger or bitterness. Work it out now while there is time. I was very blessed to have settled my issues before my dad passed away a few days ago. Are you going to be so blessed?

I also urge you to tell your parents you love them. Whenever I read the story of Job, I can’t help but wonder if his kids all knew he loved them so much. Was that part of his heartache? There were thousands of days in my lifetime when I could have said I love you and chose, for whatever reason, to not say it. I lost so many opportunities to honor my dad with an “I love you” and I wasted them all. I was blessed enough to say I love you before he passed, but I wish I could have had those extra days. When is the last time you said the words “I love you?”

What are you holding onto? Is it really worth the heartache of not letting go before it’s too late? As trite as it may sound, life really is too short to hold grudges. 

Forgive and love… or regret. You choose, but please choose wisely.

Love, Meghan