Jealousy is really ugly. The root of jealousy is always found in the soil of pride. Jealousy comes when we think that we deserve something, someone, or some way that we have not been given. It is self-focused, discontent, and short-tempered. Jealousy is really ugly.

Often, our jealousy begins with something that seems innocent. A friend treats you with a slightly different treatment than they have before; you expect to receive a gift from someone that you don’t receive; you feel a twinge of confusion when a plan you had doesn’t go your way.

I think of King Saul as a prime example of the ugliness of jealousy. He was called to be king of Israel, hand-picked by God himself, and he blew his opportunity. He made a series of sinful choices that led to another man being anointed and chosen as king. But Saul couldn’t let it go (even though his ruin was self-induced). He was so jealous of the chants the Israelites had for David and David’s victories that Saul became consumed with this jealousy for decades. Instead of enjoying the luxuries of being a king for another couple of decades or even stepping down gracefully to allow David to rule as God had chosen, Saul wasted his years chasing rumors of where David had gone into the wilderness and desert, his family was literally destroyed before his eyes, and he lost his reign forcefully rather than gracefully. There was no beauty in the jealousy of Saul and there is no beauty in your jealousy either.

Have you ever found yourself asking, “Why not me? Why her? Why him?” to God? Have you ever felt like everything seems to work out beautifully for everyone but you? Has this led you to be short-tempered with the people you love? Have these feelings and questions led you to bitterness or wrath or self-pity? They definitely led me to the ugly side of life before.

So if jealousy makes you ugly, what makes you beautiful?

“But godliness with contentment is great gain.” — 1 Timothy 6:6 The most beautiful woman in the world is one who is godly (holy and not pursuing any sin) and one who is content. Content means, “to be in a state of satisfaction or peaceful happiness.” Essentially, it means that you’re willing to say, “I am okay with who I am, what I am, and how my life is now.” 

Did you know that God made you on purpose? I know that sounds a little cliche, but it’s the truth. God told the prophet Jeremiah, “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.” He made you on purpose for a purpose. When we refuse to choose to be content with the whos, whats, and hows of our lives, we are telling God that we do not trust Him. He, who created every star, every beautiful tulip, every lovely and majestic mountain range, and yet thought that the world needed you as well. He made your eyes the way He wanted them to look, He made your personality traits the way He wanted you to act, and He made the circumstances of your life the way He wanted you to live and more importantly, to learn from the living. How can we dare to question God’s absolute knowledge and understand when He knows and understands us better than we ever could ourselves?

And yet, we find ourselves jealous and discontent. We find ourselves asking those ugly questions of “Why her? Why not me?” Sometimes we ask out loud, but more often we ask in our hearts. Jealousy loves to dig in deep into our souls and thoughts and emotions like a poison working its way through our veins and into our deepest parts of our spirits.

It’s time to change. It’s time to confess to God our jealousy and to ask Him to help us be content. It’s time to stop being ugly on the inside. And it all starts with a choice….

Did you know that the first step in every single change that you want to make in your life (for good or for bad) begins with a choice? You can think about change and you can pray about change; you can talk about change with your best friend and you can write down things that you may want to change after a youth camp or conference speaker leads you to conviction… but until you make a choice with your heart and not just your mouth, you’ll never change.

It all comes down to the choice: beautiful or ugly? Content or discontent? Jealousy or faith? What will you choose?

Love, Meghan