I heard a speaker once say that the best description for the modern-day Christian woman is “tired.” Could there be a truer statement? Well, beyond every word of the Bible.

We throw ourselves into a frenzied schedule of family events, parties, charity commitments, meet & greets, play dates, sports practices and games, fundraisers, school plays, visitation, and then we wonder why we don’t have any deep connections with our loved ones, why our bodies are exhausted to the point of panic attacks, why our emotions rage out of control, and why our spirits are weary and seemingly beyond repair.

God’s very clear desire is for us to rest. He commanded it in His law in Exodus 23:12, saying, “Six days thou shalt do thy work, and on the seventh day thou shalt rest: that thine ox and thine ass may rest, and the son of thy handmaid, and the stranger, may be refreshed.” Despite knowing God’s commands for rest, we find ourselves filling our schedules to the brim: we even brag about our busyness or our tiredness. Conversations with other women feel like competitions many times between the levels of your exhaustion. We worship the schedule and diminish our spirit’s ability to rest and be still. “Rest” is a dirty word never to be used in modern-day womanhood.

So, is it possible that busyness has become the modern-day idol of the Christian woman? I know that my schedule feels like it’s shackling me far too often. If we were to ask God’s opinion, do we really think He’d want us so busy we become exhausted and burnt out? And yet, I find myself feeling guilty when I take time for self-care or for “doing nothing” around the house.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

It’s only fair that if I ask you girls a question that I should be able to provide an answer. Here are a couple of theories I’ve thought of this week:

1. We fill our schedules in a weak attempt to fill a void only God was meant to fill. When we’re born, we’re born with a piece of us missing. This piece only comes alive through acceptance of Christ as our Saviour (hence, being “born again”) which then brings our spirit alive. This spirit, our third piece, communicates with God. I think sometimes I stay busy because I’m trying to fill a void of communication with Him. When I’m busy, I don’t have to acknowledge, repent of, or ask forgiveness for my sin, my pride, and my bitterness. I feel the spiritual need to communicate with God and to allow Him to speak into my life through Bible reading and prayer, but I find myself avoiding Him through my busyness. My flesh or natural piece would rather avoid admitting my faults and seeking His fulfillment of my needs by keeping my body and soul occupied with a busy schedule. It hurts to face my God and my fleshly pride does not like to acknowledge that my only true satisfaction comes from Him (and not a schedule). I think sometimes staying busy is our version of giving the silent treatment to God. If we avoid speaking to Him, we don’t have to acknowledge how much we need Him to satisfy the void feeling in our spirit. If we’re busy enough, we don’t have to let Him grow our spiritual walk. If we’re busy enough, we don’t have to even admit that there’s a void in our hearts that He could fill if we’d let Him. 
2. We fill our schedules to meet an unwritten expectation of modern-day women. Basically, because those who don’t have a busy schedule are considered strange, weird, and bizarre and we (women) have a natural desire to fit in, we keep busy schedules. But is our best reasoning really found in the desire to be like everyone else? Jesus warns us about seeking the approval of others in Luke 6:26, where He says, “Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets.” We, as unique and amazingly different and peculiar women, were never meant to follow the crowd. We’re not meant to be like the world, with all its busyness and crazy schedules. We’re not to live unto the opinion of our peers: we’re to live unto the purpose and will of our God. And God’s purpose, as so clearly stated throughout the Bible, is not to become burdened and restless. By avoiding rest to please the “them” in our lives instead bringing pleasure to our God through our obedience, we elevate the popular opinion of the world over God’s desires. 
3. We fill our schedules because “no” feels harder than “yes.” In Lisa Terkeurst’s book called “The Best Yes,” she says, “I know I’m caught in a rip current of people pleasing when I dread saying yes but feel powerless to say no.” Sometimes, we find ourselves bogged down with overwhelming schedules and tasks not because we’re trying to fill a void, not because we’re trying to meet an unwritten standard, but because we have not learned to say no. I can’t help but think of that illustration about the empty teapot trying to fill the teacups. No matter how hard we try, we’re never able to fill endless numbers of cup with our life & energy teapot: we have to say no eventually or we’ll get empty. An empty vessel never filled the lives of those around it. We are vessels of God’s purpose destined to fill many cups of needs, but never all of them in the world. If we can’t say no, we’ll never refill ourselves with the energy, strength, and emotional well-being we need to go make a real difference in the lives of those around us. I’m going to be honest: I really struggle with saying no. So does my husband. It nearly broke us at our last ministry through burnout: we were so useless to God in our exhaustion, but we kept saying yes instead of no!

These three theories of why we maintain unattainable levels of busyness all lead to this: Matthew 11:28-30 tells us, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” If we’re really doing the work with our time that God is calling us to do, our burdens wouldn’t be so heavy as to break our spirits. His yoke is easy: His burden is light. Our yoke is hard: our burdens are heavy.

When we’re willing to break down the idol of busyness at the feet of God’s will for our daily living, we find rest. Would you rather be tired or strong? Busy or holy?

But, you may ask, how do we practically seek rest in Jesus while maintaining the modern-day schedule?

1. Give Him 5 minutes. What’s 5 minutes? You spend more than that standing in the grocery check out line. Take 5 minutes of your day and split it up like this: spend the first minute just sitting still. Don’t walk, don’t clean, don’t text, don’t surf social media: just be still. Take the next 2 minutes and ask God to help you rest even when your five minutes are up. Ask Him to help you with your burdens. Praise Him for making His yoke light and for loving you enough to provide rest. Bring up some of the things you’ve been worrying about lately and ask Him to strengthen your body and mind for those tasks. Then spend the following 2 minutes reading a Bible chapter. If you’re just getting started, I would strongly suggest a Psalm (because it’s very uplifting).
2. Once you’ve mastered giving Him 5 minutes of rest a day, add a second time during the day where you give Him another 5 minutes.
3. When you’re up to 2 5-minute sessions of rest a day, add an hour a week of self-care. I know: sounds crazy, right? Take a whole hour and go do something that involves self-care? But really: you need this. Your rest is important to God, remember? So it should be important to you. Go take a walk somewhere pretty. Go take a nap. Get a pedicure. Read a book. Join a Zumba class. Whatever it is that you can think of that’s non-stressful, relaxing, and/or comforting. Hold to this hour of self-care no matter what.
4. When you’ve got your 2 5-minute rest sessions & your 1 hour self-care down regularly, add a day of rest every 6 weeks. Plan one whole day (your family or friends can join you) of something easy and light. No strict schedules, no demands of work or needs: a full day of restful activities. Sleep in. Don’t do the dishes.
5. Find something to say no to. Look at your schedule and figure out what is not necessary to spend your time on and cut it out of your life. If you struggle to find something unnecessary, get the help of a family member or close friend. Find something– anything– to say no to.

God commands us to find rest. He speaks of rest throughout His Word and expects us to find a way to rest when we need it. Maybe you’ll use the 5 steps to rest or maybe you’ll find another way to bring rest into your life, but no matter how you find it, I pray that you’ll find His rest for yourself.

Love, Meghan