I am afraid to do an Instagram live story.

I know: it’s silly. So, so many women have the confidence to just put their faces, make-up free and topped with a messy bun full of 2nd-day hair, out there for all the world to see. They seem to know all the right words to say and all the ways to make people smile. But not me. Oh, no — not me.

I often struggle with loving who I am. Maybe it stems from having a dad who rarely said “I love you” and maybe it stems from the years in high school where I heard many unkind comments about myself from my peers. Maybe it’s just part of my personality since I tend to feel the need for perfection in everything I do.

Whatever the reason, when it comes time to present myself to the great, big world out there, I find myself comparing myself almost constantly. I compare myself to the Starbucks barista. I compare myself to my best friend. I compare myself to the three hundred strangers who attended the recent ladies’ conference with me.

Is she prettier than me?

Am I prettier than her?

Am I talking enough?

Am I talking too much?

Am I using the word “I” too much?

What if I say the wrong thing?

I create a personal unhealthy cycle of comparison and self-bullying because of comparing myself to others. And here’s where it gets really crazy:

God, the creator of the world, made me to be me. God created me beautiful. God created me with exactly the personality and temperament He thought I would need for this life because He loves me. He created me for Him. And yet I find myself criticizing His creation. Clay Scroggins put it this way in his book How to Lead When You’re Not in Charge,

“You and I were stamped with God’s image and that image has been passed down from generation to generation from the beginning of time. If you haven’t processed the weight of that, now would be a great time. When God made you, He had Himself in mind. You were literally made by Him, for Him, of  Him, to Him.”

Because we, as humans, bear the image of a great and holy God, we are beautiful and worthy of value. Our God and Creator of a universe filled with majestic stars and elegant flowers felt that you were needed in this world as well. My sweet girl, what have you been saying to yourself lately? How have you been comparing yourself to other daughters of God? Why are you giving in to the self-bullying cycle?

Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.” The Greek word translated into “workmanship” is “poiema” which is the same word we derive the word “poem” from. You and I are God’s poetry written for a purpose, written with deeper meaning, written with beautiful rhythm and syntax to bring deeper value and love into this world. You are lovely.

But, if you and I are lovely and clearly created valuable by the Creator of everything valuable, how can we stop ourselves from thinking such awful things to ourselves? How do we end the “ugly” cycle of diminishing comments about ourselves?

1. Be intentional with your thoughts. Psalms 10:4 tells us, “The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts.” Unless you’re into being wicked, your thoughts are to intentionally include what God thinks. You have to be willing to stop yourself mid-thought when that thought includes something God would not think. You have to choose: I’m going to think the way God thinks. We read in God’s Word that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” God thinks you’re wonderful. So, choosing to allow thoughts that degrade you from “wonderful” would then be thoughts that shouldn’t be welcome in your mind. We know the Bible says that we’re able to bring our thoughts into captivity: what if you could stop that cruel thought of comparison you just had about yourself before it even got finished? Allowing your self-bullying thoughts to continue unchecked is simply not an option.
2. Remind yourself of God’s truths. Psalms 119:13-14 tells us, “I hate vain thoughts: but Thy Law do I love. Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in Thy Word.” God’s Word protects us and teaches us how to be written as God’s poems. We find a hiding place from even our own bullying thoughts when we remember God’s truths. The Bible is essentially a love letter written to you to remind you how wonderful and lovely you are. We remember in Psalms 139, where we are reminded: “How precious also are Thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!” We are precious, which means rare and highly valued, to God. His Word tells us so. If we’re struggling with our confidence in Him, it would do us very well to go back to His thoughts. Mark specific spots in the Bible, memorize verses that remind us of God’s love and what He created us uniquely for.
3. Don’t use your words to self-bully yourself. Hitler, the most evil man on earth, once said that if you tell a lie often, you will then believe the lie. If you allow yourself to say things like, “I’m so stupid,” or “I’m too fat to do that,” or “I hate my hair!” then you’ll eventually believe these lies about yourself. We cannot self-bully ourselves with our words because our words have meaning and power. Imagine what a kind word might change in us if we kept saying it again and again. It may seem silly, but sometimes we need to hear ourselves admit that there are parts of us that we do actually like. Good words have power. Proverbs 25:11 puts it this way: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”
4. Encourage others. Don’t let your friends and family members say cruel or harmful things about themselves. If we’re ever going to stop our self-bullying cycles, we’re definitely going to have to help others stop their self-bullying cycles as well. Ever heard the phrase, you are what you eat? Similarly, you become what your companions are. If they allow themselves to self-bully, they will encourage you to do the same.

Ultimately, we know that God finds us valuable enough to sacrifice everything to keep us. We also know He would never want us to feel less worthy than what a daughter of God should feel and we should never, ever make our decisions based on fear. So, this week I encourage you to take steps towards stopping the ugly cycle of self-bullying you’ve been giving into and I encourage you to step out on faith instead of fear: do one thing that scares you this week. Do one thing that you haven’t been willing to do before because you’ve been self-conscious or felt that you may be rejected or felt that you couldn’t because of what you think of yourself. Do one thing.

And you know what? I’ll do one thing, too.