Our guest author, Hiba Duval, is one of the most honest and open women I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. She accepts outcasts, holds a strong passion for foster kids, and brings peace to those struggling around her.

I took a several month hiatus from posting new content because I got very overwhelmed by the current times. I could barely get onto social media without feeling an anxiety attack take over my body… and in the middle of that anxious, fearful hiatus came this post from Hiba. Just as always, God’s timing was entirely perfect.

If you’ve been feeling extra anxious, stressed, fearful, or worried lately, this ones for you, friend.

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They call it anxiety, fretting, or fear. Holly Golightly in the film Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961), played by Audrey Hepburn, called it the “mean reds.” 

This is continuing to be an uncertain time for everyone and I don’t think I’m qualified to talk about this but it’s been on my heart.

I get the mean reds. I try to convince myself that it isn’t necessary [to be anxious]:  I am free, I am saved, and I am safe. I have written the verses down on cards, painted them, read them, memorized them, and bought them in picture frames to hang in my home.

May 2, 2020 marked the 15 year anniversary of my parents divorce and the week before that was the 1 year mark since my house warming party for my condo. My parents’ divorce opened the door to my ability to seek God, the Christian God, and ended the direct abuse of my father toward our family.

It took me until I was nearly 12 years old to realize that I was living in fear and my home life was not normal. I prayed for the Christian God to save me from that nightmare and if He did then I would do whatever He wanted me to do.

Well, He saved me all right and I am embarrassed to say I have not held up my end of the deal like He has.

I grew up in fear: fear of everything but especially of my father. Fear [seemed to] keep me safe and on alert to protect me from the daily dangers I felt in life and my father’s wrath. My parents divorce led the way to a change in that fear, although it has changed, that fear has remained in me since. I feel oftentimes like I may never be rid of it completely.

I have prayed, read Scripture, decorated my home in Scripture, recited it to myself, posted verses, written verses, prayed, sang, sought counsel and just when I think I may be starting to get a handle and conquer it, the world gets sick and shuts down.

This is not meant to be an excuse, but it has put a hindrance. I had to change direction… so there has been more prayer. I knew I needed to face the fear. I am trying to be mindful of what is practical and what is panic, what is lack of trust in my God and what is leaning on Him )and not me) in my response to news stories and changing circumstances.

God can handle everything happening right now and I honestly can’t: I’m sure most of us can’t.

The Bible says in Psalm 46:1 that God is a very present help in trouble and in Psalm 91 that we can hide in the feathers of His wings. Psalm 46:10 tells us to be still, yet I have not been still in this [time]. Still, He whispers to me in the morning and I hopefully hold onto [His Words] the rest of the day.

I have been thinking of how to stay afloat, how to plan ahead and prepare and what is my responsibility and what needs prayer and fighting with myself all along the way. Then there’s the anxiety I was dealing with before, trying to find the outlet to heal while keeping up with the near daily changes we have faced since mid-March.

I hope you have been more still in this season where history is being made and the world is falling apart at the seams and the majority is pointing fingers and worrying about collapsed economy and food shortages and hanging on the every whim of the government response and CDC and their release of information.

For those of us with anxiety lurking or outright present anxiety: [we need to] just wait on God. He’s done a lot more in much more dire situations than what we are facing now.

Fear is gripping and paralyzing and painful, but it is not needed when we face a Holy and providing God. Are you not better than the sparrows? (Matthew 10:31)

I can’t let the anxiety that I will be overtaken, lost, forsaken, forever broken, because of past disobedience, trauma or lack of preparedness [take over my faith]. He simply does not work that way.

There are consequences, but He is merciful.

God is not the person my earthly father has been to me and so much more than I will know Him to be while on I’m still in this earth. I need to trust Him through the uncertainty, knowing He will take care of my family, my friends, and me. We are not alone, we are heard, and we are here for a reason.

Fear creeps in [through] ways we may be able to rationalize, especially in a time like this where things are changing and over half the country is shut down. People are losing their jobs and grocery stores once well stocked are running on low on staple items. Take your fear to the throne room, lay it out in all its ugly rawness, and let Him wipe your tears and comfort you in the way only He can.

God has known what your ugly cry looks like way before today. Don’t be afraid of the changes coming. I know they can be scary but He is the one who has written your journey (as overused and abused as that word may be now), He has a plan and you can’t be a part of it if you’re trying to do it all yourself or you’re running from fear of change and losing so much.

What shall you gain if you gain the world and lose your own soul? (Mark 8:36)

Come to the altar, the Father’s arms are open wide (O Come to the Altar hymn).

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We hear over and over again in the sermons at church how we’re supposed to be brave and fierce and fearless. We read in the Bible over and over again how we’re supposed to “Fear not,” “Be not afraid, and “Do not be anxious.” Life is scary though and it’s okay to admit that right now, we might not be okay.

Thankfully, we have a fearless God who follows every statement in the Bible about not being afraid with a reason why He will help us not be afraid. I challenge you to go through the Bible sometimes this week looking for times when God tells us to not be afraid or fear not and answer the question, “Why do I not need to be afraid? What reason does God give to fear not?”