If you were to walk into my kitchen, you would see a dollar bill that is ripped in half stuck onto my refrigerator with a magnet. That dollar bill has followed me to 3 different houses thus far since I’ve received it. I doubt the person who gave it to me even remembers giving it away. I was sitting in church one day and my pastor at the time was making a point about being an all-in kind of Christian. He said something along the lines of God not wanting part of your heart: He wants all of it. You can’t be used if you’re cutting pieces out that He can use or not use. Just like a dollar can’t be used if it’s been cut in pieces. And then he handed me that ripped-in-half dollar bill.

I don’t know that he even knew where I was at my spiritual walk at that time. You see, at the time, I was giving God and the church my time and efforts, but I was keeping my affection and my vulnerability to myself. You could say I was giving works, but not faith; I was giving habit, but not my heart. I was only spending half of me for the gospel’s sake. I decided at that moment, when I held that torn dollar bill in my hand that I couldn’t keep faking faith: I had to be real. I had to decided, once and for all: am I all in or am I done?

Over the years, I’ve seen hundreds of partial spiritual leaders. They either burn hot on the half they’re willing to offer God and then these leaders sizzle out into accomplishing nothing for God’s kingdom. Or there’s the leaders who keep themselves at a low boil: just hot enough to look like the fire’s there, but not hot enough to do anything lasting. Kind of like the church in Revelation where God says, “I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.”

Don’t be a half-in, lukewarm kind of woman leader.

Be like Paul was: “And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved.” – 1 Corinthians 12:15 It didn’t matter to Paul if the people he served loved him back and he didn’t care if they were mad at him for trying to help them grow closer to Christ. He was all in: he was going to burn wildly and as hot as possible for the cause of Christ. He wanted to spend his life serving and be spent for those he served.

It’s not going to be easy. When you’re giving everything, you’re going to face a lot of criticism. You’re going to face heartache. You’re going to have to endure the sadness and hard things and anger and bitterness that the women and kids you serve face every day. But choose to be all in anyways. Our kids and our women are looking for you: they need someone to say, “You know what? I know you’ve got hard things you’re dealing with and you lack knowledge and wisdom, but I’m gonna walk through this with you.” They’re searching for someone here on Earth who can all-in love them the way Jesus wants us to love one another.

It’s worth it. Because when you’re all in and you’re loving the way Paul said to love in 1 Corinthians 13, saying that love “Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things:” that’s when you see God bless your work and start performing miracles. That’s when your ministry will count towards His kingdom.

You’ll get to see that teen girl you’ve prayed and cried over and over and over again who’s enduring the heartbreak of a bad breakup throw her shoulders back and say she has value and worth apart from a boy. You’ll get to see that girl you fasted over who’s so headstrong and determined decide she wants to be headstrong and determined Jesus’ way at last. You’ll get to see that kid who was gawky and awkward find worth and purpose when he finally, FINALLY understands the gospel message you’ve been giving him for so long. You’ll get to see the woman who was absolutely broken with bitterness and anger, to the point that even loving her meant taking the hits alongside her, and you’ll get to see her soften under the work of His hands.

Don’t rip yourself up: go all in. Be willing to love God with ALL your heart and ALL your soul and ALL your mind and serve Him with everything that encompasses you and your life. The greatest thing you can ever give to Jesus and your ministry is your all. The ministry you’ve dreamed of is waiting there past your comfort zone, is waiting there past your mediocre efforts, is waiting there past your capabilities and talents. You just have to choose: spend all of me, Jesus. As a woman in ministry, you’re literally pouring out the love of Jesus into people’s lives: why would you ever want to stop halfway?

Love, Meghan