Have you ever read the poem, “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” by Maya Angelou? It’s one of my favorites. But it got me thinking recently about what I know this last time that I read through the poem. I know many things: I’m a ferocious reader, a collector of odd facts and silly puns, and a dedicated researcher when I find an interesting topic. There are fewer things that I know from experience and one thing that’s been on my mind a lot lately: I know why the pastor’s wife quits.

I joined a few pastor’s wife groups on Facebook in a sort of last-ditch effort to try to make a friend. I tend to be an introvert and I tend towards depression so I knew I needed to connect with other women who understood what I do. I found women who were mostly beaten down, discouraged, and/or broken. Sure, there seemed to be one or two here and there that would say something positive or seemed to have some inner strength the rest of us couldn’t seem to muster. But overall, most of the pastor’s wives who speak in these groups are just ready to quit. And I know why.

A pastor’s wife must be chaste, holy, pure, and modest while remaining relevant, stylish, in control of her body, and demonstrating perfect beauty. A pastor’s wife must be patient, enduring, a go-getter with lofty dreams and goals, loving beyond any hurt, forgiving beyond any pain or wrongdoing, and yet will receive scarce offers of genuine friendships, very little trust, little to no companionship, and precious little comfort, patience, or forgiveness for her mistakes.

A pastor’s wife must be the perfect mother, the perfect role model, the ever-knowledgeable suggester of better paths to take and she must speak truth into the lives of all women and children around her, yet will often have her advice ignored, her children and home ravaged with gossip and backbiting comments, and the families of those she mentors accusing her of horrible negligence. A pastor’s wife must be all things to all people, in that, she is not permitted to say no, must listen without responding honestly, and must watch every word and every action in order to not offend a single person who may hold a grudge from that moment on.

A pastor’s wife must hold to her faith and hold to the belief that things can change for the better, that the church can improve and grow, and all needs can continue to be met despite the disbelief and lack of faith in other leaders’ and members’ obvious actions and attitude. A pastor’s wife must always be on and ready to serve, despite personal trials, heartaches, and disappointments.

Sounds crazy, right? It is. But the actions of the average church member make these demands for a pastor’s wife feel very, very real. So, I understand when a pastor’s wife says she’s ready to quit the ministry, that she’s so discouraged she no longer feels like she could possibly make any difference in another life for Christ, that she’s been beaten down into an emotional and mental pulp. I understand why the pastor’s wife quits.

But I also know why she shouldn’t. You see, it’s not about the battle. It’s about the purpose for the battle: to win the war. But to win that spiritual war, a pastor’s wife must keep her battles in perspective. All the expectations, the hurt, the attacks, the personal trials, the sickness, the loneliness, the criticism, the never-ending demands, are worth the victories a pastor’s wife gets to win.

She gets to see a soul receive Christ after weeks and months of praying for a person’s salvation. She gets to see a marriage saved through the humbling of God’s Word applied directly to lives. She gets to see a young girl searching for truth and purpose develop into a beautiful and strong woman for God. She gets to hold the hands of the sick and see her prayers answered when the sick are revived to health through God’s miracles. She gets to see the baby Christian learn how to deliver the gospel message and go lead their mom to Christ. The victories a pastor’s wife achieves through Christ’s power are worth every single battle she must face.

If a pastor’s wife focuses on the battles (what’s wrong in her life), she will lose. If a pastor’s wife looks at the victories (the end results), she will win. It’s simply choosing to change where her perspective looks in the same circumstances.

Are her eyes on the battles or on the God of her victories? We know Jesus wins the battles and we know that God knows we’re going to overcome our difficulties long before we ever see them, but we find ourselves focusing on the wrong things in our ministries and lives. God’s given us every victory in the battles we haven’t yet faced. We know this! After all, the Bible tells us ” For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.”

We must choose to have the faith to focus on our victories and not on our battles: the God of victories will help us continue the battle to get to the victory. He’s already won for us: we just need to step out by faith and choose to see the victory ahead and not the battle to overcome.

I know why the pastor’s wife quits. And I know why the pastor’s wife shouldn’t quit. Where will your perspective be looking today?

Love, Meghan