Loneliness is an ever-growing disease that attacks the modern girl. One of the most searched for topics on Google, I’ve heard, is “how to make friends.” I’ve talked with so, so many women who ache for the connection of friendship or love. Even though we know with our heads that God is always with His daughters (through the Holy spirit’s presence in us), we struggle to feel connected to Him and those around us.

If our enemy can make us feel alone, he can lead us to fight battles we wouldn’t need to fight if we remembered that God is always, always with us and if we sought out community in the people around us the way we’re called to.

Rejection, depression, anger, bitterness, suicidal thoughts, broken family relationships, lack of spiritual growth, isolation, false views of your value, backsliding: these all can stem from loneliness. Through loneliness, we’ll abandon hope. Through loneliness, we’ll remain blind to friendships that could develop. Through loneliness, we do not accomplish what we’re fully capable of for the kingdom of God. We lose dreams. We fail to meet goals. Ultimately, we know the Bible clearly states that God created us to not be lonely.

So, what do you do if you find yourself feeling lonely? Here are four first steps to take when you tackle loneliness:

1. Be honest with yourself & God about how you’re feeling. I’m afraid that many times we convince ourselves that either we aren’t really lonely or that there’s nothing wrong. We see so many beautiful pictures of smiling, happy people doing smiley, happy things with other smiling, happy people on all the social media sites, that we start to think that we can’t be honest about how we’re feeling or that we are the oooooonly person in the whole planet who mist feel lonely. Admitting to yourself the emotion you’re feeling can be a release of its hold on you all by itself. Proverbs 20:27 tells us, “The spirit of man is the candle of the LORD, searching all the inward parts of the belly.” Back in the Bible times, people thought that our emotions came from our digestive parts of our body (like the belly or the bowels). God already knows how we’re feeling on the inside: we may as well just be outwardly honest about how we’re feeling.

2. Tell someone else how you’re feeling. If you can’t think of a friend or family member to tell, write out a list of people you know (acquaintances, co-workers, church family members, etc.). Now, look through that list and pick one person out of all those people that you can tell. All you need is one! Once you’ve got your person picked, choose the absolute next possible availability, start with “hello” or “hi,” and then say the words, “I’ve been feeling lonely lately.” That’s it! I know it will feel like it would be awkward, but after the first five seconds, the awkward stops. Telling someone the truth will open up a conversation that leads to brainstorming how to deal with the loneliness or that person admitting that they’re lonely, too. Then you’re reminded again that you are not alone. Just saying the words, “I’m lonely” to another person can be so life-giving. After all, we know that “death and life are in the power of the tongue […]” according to Proverbs‬ ‭18:21‬. By telling someone else that you’re lonely and need help, you’re giving that other person’s ability to help a boost of life: they’re better able to help you.

3. Change up your routine. When you feel lonely, it’s really easy to fall into a routine of making yourself physically alone. We “Netflix and chill” by ourselves at home every weekend; we avoid crowds by choosing odd times to shop; we avoid our friends’ calls or texts; we wallow. The Bible tells us that “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly […]” When we feel lonely, we don’t want to be friendly, but the remedy for loneliness ultimately is community with our God and community with our people. When we’re starved for community, we’ll settle for less than God desires for us: we must find ways to meet our communal needs that have been built into our human hearts to help steer us from the problems loneliness brings. So, even though we don’t feel like it, we have to change up our routine and seek out the community our friends and family can offer.

4. Start the process of capturing your thoughts. It’s so, so easy to start feeling sorry for ourselves when we feel lonely. We wallow and complain to ourselves and start to wonder if we’re lonely because we’re truly unlovable. We might even begin to start thinking about what the world would be like if we simply ceased to exist. These thoughts are tempting, but they’re so damaging. God clearly stated to us in 2 Corinthians 10:5 that we’re to be “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ […]” We cannot allow ourselves to be ruled by our thoughts or our imaginations. We have the power to take our thought process under control or God would never have commanded us to do so. Is it easy? No. Is it fast? No. But it is fully possible and completely worth the effort. So, how do you capture your thought process? Every time we see change of the mind or soul in the Bible we find a pattern: acknowledgement of the wrong thing, a decision to change, and a right thing practiced in place of the wrong thing. If you want to change your thought process about loneliness/your ability to be loved, you must admit that the thoughts exist and learn to recognize what they look like. Don’t let yourself think aimlessly. Then, decided that your thoughts on ________ are something you want to change. From there, create a list of 5 good things or a prayer that you will recite in your mind every time your thoughts lean towards the ungodly way. By following this process, you’re taking your thoughts captive and training your mind to think differently.

Loneliness is a disease that’s deeply affecting us Christian women today, but it’s not incurable. We can help resolve the loneliness we feel and we can help resolve the loneliness the Christian women around us feel. We just have to be willing to ask ourselves the right questions:

Are you willing to be honest about your feelings?

Are you willing to really show up for another Christian woman if she tells you that she’s lonely?

Are you willing to try to change your routine and your thought process?

It’s time to tackle that loneliness. I believe in you and so does your Saviour: you can do it, sweet girl! We’re on your side. ❤